White Gandalf hates your team

Aaaaaaaaaand begin, 2011 Fantasy Football is under way and Week 1 is in the books. We celebrated the beginning of a new season on the 10th anniversary of the attacks of September 11 so I give you one of the classic montages created out of the post-twin towers patriotic flurry; behold.

Yes, that is an eagle sitting on Lassie’s back.

CHINCH BUGS (1-0) V THE GREENS (0-1) – Let me just start by saying it sure sucks to be the guy that could have beaten anyone in the league only to be winless after week 1 because the other team was on fire. Chinch Bugs, AKA Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe AKA Mel Kiper’s Hair have emerged as week one’s top of the heap team after most of his players performed admirably. LeSean McCoy looks to be a premier back. The Greens got a ton of solid work as well, beginning with Mr. Brees. The Kenny Britt benching cost them this week and I think I spy three QBs on that roster… “trade bait” is going to be thrown around a bit too casually in the coming weeks.

THE DODGER (1-0) V MOVE LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE (0-1) – Let me just start off by saying this; It’s “FLOAT like a butterfly, sting like a bee” the rest of it is all semantics. The 2010 champ squared up to week one with a 43 point performance from Mr. Rodgers, not a bad way to begin. But this one would be a heavyweight that was ultimately lost by MLABSLAB on the back of the Cowboys…INT and fumble by Romo late and a late TD by the Cowboys D iced it. Dodger had no kicker and won. Forte looked good, Ray Rice is a beast.

EASY RIDERS (1-0) V TIMID PUPPIES (0-1) – Let the Kevin Kolb era begin in Arizona! He looked pretty good and certainly has some targets. Schaub…oh Schaub, I remember this from last year when he was MY quarterback. If you bench him, he goes off, if you start him, well, you see what I’m getting at. Cutler looked as good as he has ever looked in passing for 300+ against Atlanta. I thought that game would be closer. Arian Foster the people needs to get healthy quick. The C-Bomb went nuts on Cleveland and he looked like the Benson of old, nice 39 yard rushing TD. I expect both these teams to win quite a few ball games this year.

SPINE SNAPPERS (1-0) V CANUCKS (0-1) — This may have been the game of the week. The Canucks led 104-57after Sunday’s action. It certainly wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that Brady could deliver 48 points for the Spine Snappers to win it, but the Canucks also had Darren McFadden rushing against the Denver defense that he feasts upon annually. Soooooo, Brady went off for 71, holy fuck; Snaps up 24. Now the Canucks were on the ropes. McFadden continued to do his thing and it looked certain that he had 25 points in him, but what appeared to be a TD was ruled down at the 1 and Bush got the score. Wow, that was a nail biter.

TEAM MEXICO (1-0) V BASSTURDZ (0-1) – Very even match up here, neither team left anything on the bench and just as many active players shit their pants and didn’t score. Looks like Mexico will have to release the Flacc from here on out because Manning’s return is very questionable. Bassturdz are hurting at QB, this could be an issue, or maybe it was just the Ravens. Big Ben could be fine. Now let’s talk about the guy who is 6-2 250lbs (which I think is being kind) that can swing his fucking leg over his head like it’s on a swivel. That’s right Seb-Jan kicked a 63 yarder on Monday night to open the season, wow. He was knocking them through at 75 yards in pregame. Just imagine what he could do if he wasn’t always on the date rape drug?

Bring on Week 2,



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