Archive for November, 2011

WEEK 12 RECAP

November 30, 2011

Don’t pull a Dan Orlovsky on your coaching down the stretch.

So it all comes down to this last week of the season  to determine who goes through and who goes home. Just to remind you how our system works, the top two teams get a bye next week while the #3 seed will face off with #6 and #4 will play #5. The lowest remaining seed goes on to play the #1 and the other plays #2. Per the constitution, here is the information concerning tiebreakers.

TIEBREAKER: If ONLY 2 TEAMS are tied, the first tiebreaker is Head To Head, then Total Points, then Points Against (most points against breaks tie).

If more than 2 teams are tied, HTH is thrown out and the first tiebreaker is Total Points, then Points Against (most points against breaks tie).

THE GREENS (9-3) V FLABSLAB (6-6) – You usually go into MNF nervous if you’re trailing double digits in fantasy. Your nerves are calmer if the other guy has no one going and you fucking relax if your QB is Drew Brees. FLABSLAB had a relatively meek game in week 12 and The Greens just went ahead and piled a load right on his head. Brees went for 61 and Cruz went for 31 in that very game. Greens have their eye on the #1 seed heading into week 13 and wouldn’t you know it, they’re playing Team Mexico. Game of the week.

THE DODGER (8-4) V CHINCH BUGS (5-7) – I think I remember saying last week that the Chinch Bugs could make some lives miserable down the stretch and that is exactly what is happening. He has thrust himself in the race for the playoffs and at the same time knocked the Dodger out of the clear number one position; Phillip Ritalin be damned. The Ravens D is definitely helping the cause. As for the Dodger, he found it difficult to manage his fantasy roster while throwing back Pina Coladas and hanging ten in Costa Rica. Nice trade off though. Roster is loaded with guys coming on strong, such as Laurent Robinson as such.

TEAM MEXICO (8-4) V EASY RIDERS (5-7) – This was a must win game for Easy riders and Team Mexico put them down like a rival cartel member. 47 from Eli was just not enough to get over the hump against the Mexicans and now they have their eyes on the top spot as well. It will be difficult due to the low output  over the course of the season, but it’s doable. QB will be the question going down the stretch. As for ER, they face the Spine Snappers, who are also fighting for playoff position, so this final week will be insane. Will Peterson return? Can Eli continue to put up big numbers? Stay tuned.

SPINE SNAPPERS (7-5) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-9) – Snappers hit week 12 with winning on the mind and it was going to start early as RB Kevin Smith was playing on Thanksgiving. That didn’t go so well, out of the game early…but it certainly ended well on Sunday as Brady destroyed the hapless Eagles. You see a red cross and questionable by a guy’s name and it’s usually better to sit him, but then Beanie Wells rumbles for 228 and a score, eeesh. Pups are mathematically eliminated and are now fighting and clawing and scratching and kicking and spitting and farting and Hershey squirting in an effort to not finish dead last….for the second year in a row.

BASSTURDZ (4-8) V CANUCKS (5-7) – Bassturdz have taken on the role of playoff assassin for Week 12 and Wes Welker and Sebastian just put up big numbers. Always helps to get two TDs from your TE, ask The Greens. Turdz will again take on this role in week 13 as they can put a bullet in the brain of the Chinch Bugs and keep them out of the hunt. Mind you, Canucks are still alive, but breaking the six game losing streak against an agitated FLABSLAB may prove daunting. Jimmy Graham was huge as usual and it will take all hands on deck to get over the hump.

Week 13 is shaping up to be very exciting, let’s rumble!

Commi$h

WEEK 11 RECAP

November 23, 2011

The doc said I may be out for 6 to 8 weeks, which gives Cutty more time for the 6 to 9.

Short week, quick turnaround for the NFL and fantasy footballers out there. Get your lineups set, I don’t want to hear about how you had your hand up a turkey’s ass and couldn’t get a player into the starting lineup. Week 11 down and only two more games until the playoffs start.

THE DODGER (8-3) V SPINE SNAPPERS (6-5) – The Snappers and The Dodger squared off for the second time this season and for the second time, the Snappers got the W, so of the 3 TOTAL losses this year for the league leader, two came by way of the Snap. Interesting fact. It all came down to MNF as the Dodger held a fifteen point lead courtesy of Aaron Rodgers and co, but Tom Brady threw up just enough points to get the Snappers the much needed win, playoff implications are huge here! Dodger gets Andre Johnson back this upcoming week, look out.

THE GREENS (8-3) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-8) – The Greens are throttling these days, lots of output coming  from this group. The Gronk has been the star of the show IMO; that’s three games in a row over 20 points for the porn star nailing tight end, ohhhhh K! Timid Puppies are what you could characterize as a “snake bit” team, just can’t seem to get anything going. Bench Mike Williams, he goes for 14, start Eric Decker, he farts out a bagel. Bench Jerome Simpson and he goes for 19, this shit doesn’t end. Greens are now jockeying for the top spot with the Dodger.

TEAM MEXICO (7-4) V CANUCKS (5-6) – You keep stirring the pot, the beans get softer. But someone added salt early, so these beans are getting tougher. Team Mexico just keeps winning. After hitting .500, they have ripped off three straight wins, which is huge right now. Care needs to be taken down the stretch to avoid coaching errors though, like starting a player on a bye week. Canucks were yet AGAIN hit with an injury at an unfortunate time. Matthew Hasselbeck got hurt and that just killed it for the Canucks. Anyone see LaGarrette Blount’s TD run? Holy shit.

FLABSLAB (6-5) V BASSTURDZ (3-8) – When FLABSLAB woke up and checked the standings, he let out a shriek only matched by the likes of Justin Bieber fans and Richard Simmons. He was, alas, ranked in the position ahead of the other 6-5 teams, which has been a real sore spot for him of late. Tony Romo, Ray Rice, Torrey Smith…need I say more? Those three combined for 92, the Bassturdz total output. Turdz got 54 of 92 out of Matthew Stafford and yet another bagel from James Jones, ouch. The liga luche bass mask and the finger was given to the guys on this squad who can’t produce.

EASY RIDERS (5-6) V CHINCH BUGS (4-7) – Chinch Bugs are making life tough on many squads as they try and creep into the playoffs at the sixth spot. These final two weeks will be interesting indeed. Two zeroes from Manningham and Marshall should have derailed the Chinch Bugs, but the injury to Adrian Peterson kept the Easy Riders in check as well as Greg Jennings’ worst performance of the season. Easy Riders need wins to stay in the playoff hunt. It will be interesting to see how this shakes out because ER has been trading wins for losses as of late. Will a W be on the slate this week?

Stay tuned boyzz, Happy Thanksgiving.

Commi$h

WEEK 10 RECAP

November 16, 2011

Look our for the 49ers, they’ve been hanging heavy in the NFC West

All right all right, geez, I can’t keep up with these freaking recaps with the short week. Sorry about missing last week’s recap. So what’s going on? We have a log jam for the last three spots as of week 10, but that will shake out on its own. Refresh yourself with the rules and tiebreakers by going to the rules page. Also, I am not sure how CBS defaults the standings, but it will ALL be accurate come playoff time, rest assured.

 

THE DODGER (8-2) V  FLABSLAB (5-5) —  When these two get together, there is usually some cool ones on the line and I’m guessing this was no different. The problem for the SLAB was two bagels in the starting lineup. Without those two zeros, he probably wins this game as it took a 42 point performance from Rodgers on MNF to get win number 8 for the Dodger. The Dodger is clocking in all cylinders now and is eyeballing the first round bye. Not sure how effective Andre will be upon his return, but we will certainly see.

 

THE GREENS (7-3) V CHINCH BUGS (3-7) – Just when the Chinch Bugs were getting their wheels under them and making a run, the Greens smoked ’em out and put a halt to the mini-run. Brees returned to form and solid performances from Reginald Bush, the Gronk and the rest of the crew put them up in the 130s, good for high scoring team of the week. Chinch Bugs are dangerous right now and with upcoming games against the Easy Riders and the Dodger, some spots could be jeopardized.

 

TEAM MEXICO (6-4) V BASSTURDZ (3-7) – Yes, they are 6-4 right now, but word out of the TM camp is that they are looking to shake it up a bit down the home stretch. More points will need to be scored, that is for sure. A waiver wire pick up of Michael Bush proved golden in week 10 and was the difference in the ball game honestly. Bassturdz season has been all but an exercise in futility as his players simply are not producing points on a consistent basis. DeAngelo Williams…bust, Sidney Rice…bust and such as and as such.

 

SPINE SNAPPERS (5-5) V CANUCKS (5-5) – Round two for this matchup and again the Snappers came out on top. The Canucks  were on a roll until they got hit hard by injuries and week 10 wasn’t any different. Mike Vick put up paltry numbers with cracked ribs. Packers D was pretty good on MNF though, but it wasn’t enough. Snappers finally got a game of Chris Johnson as he ran for 130 and a TD. That needs to be a trend that continues if they have any hope for making the playoffs.  

 

EASY RIDERS (5-5) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-7) – The Pups can’t buy a break. They score 100+, get 35 out of Foster and lose on MNF. Aaaaaaaaand now Schaub is out for the season. That is fucked. And so are the Texans by the way, Matt Leinart is an idiot. Looks like it’s Carson Palmer time. Easy Riders have been riding Eli all season and he has not disappointed. I keep thinking he’s going to start throwing tons of picks, but he’s managing. Although the Giants could have won that game without his two picks. Fitz had his best game of the year and Peterson should continue to shine as long as Ponder gets better every week.

 

Look out, the regular season is winding down!

 

Commi$h

WEEK 8 RECAP

November 4, 2011

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After what the Ravens did to the Steelers in Week 1, I like Pittsburgh to get a little nastier this week.

The beat goes on and the NFL never ceases to amaze. How in the hell does New Orleans get whipped by St. Louis? And let’s talk quickly about the AFC. This conference is wide open. If there are any Texans fans in the house, this is as good a year as any to get into the playoffs and do something. They get Andre Johnson back and if he’s on, it’s on. So, five more games in our regular season and we have a lot of teams fighting for the playoffs. Check the rules page for how this league breaks ties. The Constitution at the very bottom of the rules page will spell it out for you.

THE DODGER (6-2) V TEAM MEXICO (4-4) – The Dodger was overheard in the front office this week saying, “I am very very good at fantasy football” Scoreboard is the greatest indicator and right now things are clicking, i.e., winning with Andy Dalton and Jackie Battle. Very skillful. Team Mexico on the other hand is on a downer. Two games under 70 points is not a good trend.  Malcolm Floyd is a tough one, but in the end it wouldn’t have mattered. Production numbers are likely to increase for the Dodger and are required to increase for Team Mexico to stay in it.

THE GREENS (5-3) V BASSTURDZ (3-5) – Let me start off by congratulating Bassturdz GM, Stephen Malina on the birth of his daughter, Drew this past Wednesday. Welcome! In what has been a relatively up and down season, the Turdz put on their best performance of the year in handing the Greens only their 3rd loss., but 2nd in a row…ooooooo. Big Ben put up a big number and the Bengals DST really showed up. It wasn’t a bad game for the Greens as Fred Jackson continues to tear it up and the Bills DST, wow. It just wasn’t enough and for the first time all season, Brees was under 30 points. Difference maker.

CANUCKS (5-3) V EASY RIDERS (4-4) – Another top team on a two game skid is the Canucks. Vick was great, everyone else was pedestrian. Jimmy Graham finally had a bad game, but it didn’t help that everyone else did too. Lots of bye weeks. Eli Manning has three games with 40 or more points this year. This type of production is really necessary for the Easy Riders to stay in the hunt for a playoff position. Adrian Peterson had a great game and I think with Ponder in there as QB, he has a few more in him.

FLABSLAB (4-4) V SPINE SNAPPERS (4-4) – Another of the teams on a downer are the Spine Snappers. It all starts with the fact that Chris Johnson is a pussy and doesn’t run well anymore. But then he stays in the lineup because you can’t pay a guy that much money and bench him for a guy that actually runs hard. After starting off red hot, Tom Brady has really cooled off and hasn’t gone over 30 points since week 3. Not a good trend. FLABSLAB had the best output of any team in week 8 and beat the next highest scoring team by 25. That is because it turns out Cam Newton is a legit QB, Steven Jackson had his first good game and Ray Rice scored 3 TDs. And don’t forget about Frank Gore. FLABSLAB is ready to slap fools around.

TIMID PUPPIES (3-5) V CHINCH BUGS (2-6) – Someone had to win this one and it turned out to be the old Irish dock worker, Chinch Bugs. Main reason, LeSean McCoy. This guy just puts it on every freaking game. Only two games under 20 points and a TD in every game this year. Impressive. I think River Phillips has a gambling problem, why else would you fumble the ball on the KC 20 yard line with only seconds to go in regulation with a chance to win the game? They had the win, he threw the game. Wow. Schaub and Foster had a good game for the Pups, then there is a chasm of production from the rest of the guys. Not to mention toughest schedule in the league.

Let the festivities begin.