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Playoffs? The recap is like Bigfoot, elusive as fuck

December 12, 2012

Round one is in the books and the higher seeds advanced over the natural underdogs.

In the 3-6 matchup, both teams fared pretty well on some fronts and fairly poor on others. Bassturdz’ Larry Fitzgerald put up a stale bagel in a thrashing by Seattle and 4 of Big Tex’s possible 8 active players (not including DST) put up less than 5 points. Brees and Lynch were monstrous and this one was a very exciting matchup. Maybe a coaching move or two that the Turdz are regretting but, both teams put up a good fight. In the end, the 3 beat the 6. What does this all mean, who the fuck knows.

In the 4-5 matchup, the Timid Puppies were venturing into uncharted territory; the playoffs. Team Mexico, arguably one of the hotter teams going into the post season had his eyes crossed on the piñata, but things didn’t go so well. It really started with the Arizona Cardinals laying the largest of all eggs against a good but not great Seattle team. 58-0 in the NFL should never happen, but it did, so there were 47 points scored by Puppies DST…again uncharted waters. For Team Mexico, aside from Brady and Moreno, there were no performances worth mentioning, and that will usher you right out of the playoffs. The three-headed RB set of Martin, Morris and Charles, Attorneys at Law is formidable.

So let’s set the table for the next round of games.

In the 1-4 matchup, the Easy riders have been easily riding Manning and Peterson of late as both have been crushing it on the field. The matchups in this game are fairly even, as Rodgers matches up nicely with Manning as does Morris to Matthews. Peterson is head and shoulders above all RBs so there’s a mismatch there. And Megatron is capable of busting a big game off here and there, but has not had a monster game yet. Very consistent as of late though. As matchups go, this one is quite tight. Puppies are solid from top to bottom, with their main weakness coming at…well, looks pretty strong. It will be a battle of who DOESN’T have a bad game this late in the season. Easy Rider with the edge since they have won 6 in a row.

In the 2-3 matchup, this one looks like a disaster waiting to happen for the Spine Snappers. The bye could not have come at a better time. Even if they had tried to set a lineup, they would have been lucky to break 100, which will not get it done. So there’s not much to say about this team that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan, they are bombed out and depleted. Big Tex on the other hand will be priming the fuel pump for a State Fair style victory burn if Lynch and Brees can come through like that again. And the player matchups on BT look favorable for the most part, save for SF v NE (Crabtree and Gore). Best way to describe the Snappers…low end fantasy option. Big Tex with the edge.

And there you have boys, apologies for not having enough time to blog through the season.

Pay up as soon as you are able, go to the finances section of the home page.

Good luck.




November 30, 2011

Don’t pull a Dan Orlovsky on your coaching down the stretch.

So it all comes down to this last week of the season  to determine who goes through and who goes home. Just to remind you how our system works, the top two teams get a bye next week while the #3 seed will face off with #6 and #4 will play #5. The lowest remaining seed goes on to play the #1 and the other plays #2. Per the constitution, here is the information concerning tiebreakers.

TIEBREAKER: If ONLY 2 TEAMS are tied, the first tiebreaker is Head To Head, then Total Points, then Points Against (most points against breaks tie).

If more than 2 teams are tied, HTH is thrown out and the first tiebreaker is Total Points, then Points Against (most points against breaks tie).

THE GREENS (9-3) V FLABSLAB (6-6) – You usually go into MNF nervous if you’re trailing double digits in fantasy. Your nerves are calmer if the other guy has no one going and you fucking relax if your QB is Drew Brees. FLABSLAB had a relatively meek game in week 12 and The Greens just went ahead and piled a load right on his head. Brees went for 61 and Cruz went for 31 in that very game. Greens have their eye on the #1 seed heading into week 13 and wouldn’t you know it, they’re playing Team Mexico. Game of the week.

THE DODGER (8-4) V CHINCH BUGS (5-7) – I think I remember saying last week that the Chinch Bugs could make some lives miserable down the stretch and that is exactly what is happening. He has thrust himself in the race for the playoffs and at the same time knocked the Dodger out of the clear number one position; Phillip Ritalin be damned. The Ravens D is definitely helping the cause. As for the Dodger, he found it difficult to manage his fantasy roster while throwing back Pina Coladas and hanging ten in Costa Rica. Nice trade off though. Roster is loaded with guys coming on strong, such as Laurent Robinson as such.

TEAM MEXICO (8-4) V EASY RIDERS (5-7) – This was a must win game for Easy riders and Team Mexico put them down like a rival cartel member. 47 from Eli was just not enough to get over the hump against the Mexicans and now they have their eyes on the top spot as well. It will be difficult due to the low output  over the course of the season, but it’s doable. QB will be the question going down the stretch. As for ER, they face the Spine Snappers, who are also fighting for playoff position, so this final week will be insane. Will Peterson return? Can Eli continue to put up big numbers? Stay tuned.

SPINE SNAPPERS (7-5) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-9) – Snappers hit week 12 with winning on the mind and it was going to start early as RB Kevin Smith was playing on Thanksgiving. That didn’t go so well, out of the game early…but it certainly ended well on Sunday as Brady destroyed the hapless Eagles. You see a red cross and questionable by a guy’s name and it’s usually better to sit him, but then Beanie Wells rumbles for 228 and a score, eeesh. Pups are mathematically eliminated and are now fighting and clawing and scratching and kicking and spitting and farting and Hershey squirting in an effort to not finish dead last….for the second year in a row.

BASSTURDZ (4-8) V CANUCKS (5-7) – Bassturdz have taken on the role of playoff assassin for Week 12 and Wes Welker and Sebastian just put up big numbers. Always helps to get two TDs from your TE, ask The Greens. Turdz will again take on this role in week 13 as they can put a bullet in the brain of the Chinch Bugs and keep them out of the hunt. Mind you, Canucks are still alive, but breaking the six game losing streak against an agitated FLABSLAB may prove daunting. Jimmy Graham was huge as usual and it will take all hands on deck to get over the hump.

Week 13 is shaping up to be very exciting, let’s rumble!



November 23, 2011

The doc said I may be out for 6 to 8 weeks, which gives Cutty more time for the 6 to 9.

Short week, quick turnaround for the NFL and fantasy footballers out there. Get your lineups set, I don’t want to hear about how you had your hand up a turkey’s ass and couldn’t get a player into the starting lineup. Week 11 down and only two more games until the playoffs start.

THE DODGER (8-3) V SPINE SNAPPERS (6-5) – The Snappers and The Dodger squared off for the second time this season and for the second time, the Snappers got the W, so of the 3 TOTAL losses this year for the league leader, two came by way of the Snap. Interesting fact. It all came down to MNF as the Dodger held a fifteen point lead courtesy of Aaron Rodgers and co, but Tom Brady threw up just enough points to get the Snappers the much needed win, playoff implications are huge here! Dodger gets Andre Johnson back this upcoming week, look out.

THE GREENS (8-3) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-8) – The Greens are throttling these days, lots of output coming  from this group. The Gronk has been the star of the show IMO; that’s three games in a row over 20 points for the porn star nailing tight end, ohhhhh K! Timid Puppies are what you could characterize as a “snake bit” team, just can’t seem to get anything going. Bench Mike Williams, he goes for 14, start Eric Decker, he farts out a bagel. Bench Jerome Simpson and he goes for 19, this shit doesn’t end. Greens are now jockeying for the top spot with the Dodger.

TEAM MEXICO (7-4) V CANUCKS (5-6) – You keep stirring the pot, the beans get softer. But someone added salt early, so these beans are getting tougher. Team Mexico just keeps winning. After hitting .500, they have ripped off three straight wins, which is huge right now. Care needs to be taken down the stretch to avoid coaching errors though, like starting a player on a bye week. Canucks were yet AGAIN hit with an injury at an unfortunate time. Matthew Hasselbeck got hurt and that just killed it for the Canucks. Anyone see LaGarrette Blount’s TD run? Holy shit.

FLABSLAB (6-5) V BASSTURDZ (3-8) – When FLABSLAB woke up and checked the standings, he let out a shriek only matched by the likes of Justin Bieber fans and Richard Simmons. He was, alas, ranked in the position ahead of the other 6-5 teams, which has been a real sore spot for him of late. Tony Romo, Ray Rice, Torrey Smith…need I say more? Those three combined for 92, the Bassturdz total output. Turdz got 54 of 92 out of Matthew Stafford and yet another bagel from James Jones, ouch. The liga luche bass mask and the finger was given to the guys on this squad who can’t produce.

EASY RIDERS (5-6) V CHINCH BUGS (4-7) – Chinch Bugs are making life tough on many squads as they try and creep into the playoffs at the sixth spot. These final two weeks will be interesting indeed. Two zeroes from Manningham and Marshall should have derailed the Chinch Bugs, but the injury to Adrian Peterson kept the Easy Riders in check as well as Greg Jennings’ worst performance of the season. Easy Riders need wins to stay in the playoff hunt. It will be interesting to see how this shakes out because ER has been trading wins for losses as of late. Will a W be on the slate this week?

Stay tuned boyzz, Happy Thanksgiving.



November 16, 2011

Look our for the 49ers, they’ve been hanging heavy in the NFC West

All right all right, geez, I can’t keep up with these freaking recaps with the short week. Sorry about missing last week’s recap. So what’s going on? We have a log jam for the last three spots as of week 10, but that will shake out on its own. Refresh yourself with the rules and tiebreakers by going to the rules page. Also, I am not sure how CBS defaults the standings, but it will ALL be accurate come playoff time, rest assured.


THE DODGER (8-2) V  FLABSLAB (5-5) —  When these two get together, there is usually some cool ones on the line and I’m guessing this was no different. The problem for the SLAB was two bagels in the starting lineup. Without those two zeros, he probably wins this game as it took a 42 point performance from Rodgers on MNF to get win number 8 for the Dodger. The Dodger is clocking in all cylinders now and is eyeballing the first round bye. Not sure how effective Andre will be upon his return, but we will certainly see.


THE GREENS (7-3) V CHINCH BUGS (3-7) – Just when the Chinch Bugs were getting their wheels under them and making a run, the Greens smoked ’em out and put a halt to the mini-run. Brees returned to form and solid performances from Reginald Bush, the Gronk and the rest of the crew put them up in the 130s, good for high scoring team of the week. Chinch Bugs are dangerous right now and with upcoming games against the Easy Riders and the Dodger, some spots could be jeopardized.


TEAM MEXICO (6-4) V BASSTURDZ (3-7) – Yes, they are 6-4 right now, but word out of the TM camp is that they are looking to shake it up a bit down the home stretch. More points will need to be scored, that is for sure. A waiver wire pick up of Michael Bush proved golden in week 10 and was the difference in the ball game honestly. Bassturdz season has been all but an exercise in futility as his players simply are not producing points on a consistent basis. DeAngelo Williams…bust, Sidney Rice…bust and such as and as such.


SPINE SNAPPERS (5-5) V CANUCKS (5-5) – Round two for this matchup and again the Snappers came out on top. The Canucks  were on a roll until they got hit hard by injuries and week 10 wasn’t any different. Mike Vick put up paltry numbers with cracked ribs. Packers D was pretty good on MNF though, but it wasn’t enough. Snappers finally got a game of Chris Johnson as he ran for 130 and a TD. That needs to be a trend that continues if they have any hope for making the playoffs.  


EASY RIDERS (5-5) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-7) – The Pups can’t buy a break. They score 100+, get 35 out of Foster and lose on MNF. Aaaaaaaaand now Schaub is out for the season. That is fucked. And so are the Texans by the way, Matt Leinart is an idiot. Looks like it’s Carson Palmer time. Easy Riders have been riding Eli all season and he has not disappointed. I keep thinking he’s going to start throwing tons of picks, but he’s managing. Although the Giants could have won that game without his two picks. Fitz had his best game of the year and Peterson should continue to shine as long as Ponder gets better every week.


Look out, the regular season is winding down!




November 4, 2011













After what the Ravens did to the Steelers in Week 1, I like Pittsburgh to get a little nastier this week.

The beat goes on and the NFL never ceases to amaze. How in the hell does New Orleans get whipped by St. Louis? And let’s talk quickly about the AFC. This conference is wide open. If there are any Texans fans in the house, this is as good a year as any to get into the playoffs and do something. They get Andre Johnson back and if he’s on, it’s on. So, five more games in our regular season and we have a lot of teams fighting for the playoffs. Check the rules page for how this league breaks ties. The Constitution at the very bottom of the rules page will spell it out for you.

THE DODGER (6-2) V TEAM MEXICO (4-4) – The Dodger was overheard in the front office this week saying, “I am very very good at fantasy football” Scoreboard is the greatest indicator and right now things are clicking, i.e., winning with Andy Dalton and Jackie Battle. Very skillful. Team Mexico on the other hand is on a downer. Two games under 70 points is not a good trend.  Malcolm Floyd is a tough one, but in the end it wouldn’t have mattered. Production numbers are likely to increase for the Dodger and are required to increase for Team Mexico to stay in it.

THE GREENS (5-3) V BASSTURDZ (3-5) – Let me start off by congratulating Bassturdz GM, Stephen Malina on the birth of his daughter, Drew this past Wednesday. Welcome! In what has been a relatively up and down season, the Turdz put on their best performance of the year in handing the Greens only their 3rd loss., but 2nd in a row…ooooooo. Big Ben put up a big number and the Bengals DST really showed up. It wasn’t a bad game for the Greens as Fred Jackson continues to tear it up and the Bills DST, wow. It just wasn’t enough and for the first time all season, Brees was under 30 points. Difference maker.

CANUCKS (5-3) V EASY RIDERS (4-4) – Another top team on a two game skid is the Canucks. Vick was great, everyone else was pedestrian. Jimmy Graham finally had a bad game, but it didn’t help that everyone else did too. Lots of bye weeks. Eli Manning has three games with 40 or more points this year. This type of production is really necessary for the Easy Riders to stay in the hunt for a playoff position. Adrian Peterson had a great game and I think with Ponder in there as QB, he has a few more in him.

FLABSLAB (4-4) V SPINE SNAPPERS (4-4) – Another of the teams on a downer are the Spine Snappers. It all starts with the fact that Chris Johnson is a pussy and doesn’t run well anymore. But then he stays in the lineup because you can’t pay a guy that much money and bench him for a guy that actually runs hard. After starting off red hot, Tom Brady has really cooled off and hasn’t gone over 30 points since week 3. Not a good trend. FLABSLAB had the best output of any team in week 8 and beat the next highest scoring team by 25. That is because it turns out Cam Newton is a legit QB, Steven Jackson had his first good game and Ray Rice scored 3 TDs. And don’t forget about Frank Gore. FLABSLAB is ready to slap fools around.

TIMID PUPPIES (3-5) V CHINCH BUGS (2-6) – Someone had to win this one and it turned out to be the old Irish dock worker, Chinch Bugs. Main reason, LeSean McCoy. This guy just puts it on every freaking game. Only two games under 20 points and a TD in every game this year. Impressive. I think River Phillips has a gambling problem, why else would you fumble the ball on the KC 20 yard line with only seconds to go in regulation with a chance to win the game? They had the win, he threw the game. Wow. Schaub and Foster had a good game for the Pups, then there is a chasm of production from the rest of the guys. Not to mention toughest schedule in the league.

Let the festivities begin.


October 27, 2011

Exhibit A–Rob Gronkowski is in a bedroom with pornstar Bibi Jones


Aaaaaaaaannd then he nailed her

Week 7 came and went and we are now officially on the backside of the season, six weeks remain until the playoffs start. We have pretty good parity going on right now as there is no clear cut number one, lots of middle of the road and only one true cellar dweller, sorry Chinch Bugs. Let’s get to the meat…curtains…Gronkowski.

CANUCKS (5-2) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-4) – After losing in week one, the Canucks had ripped off five straight wins and were on a roll. Then Blount got hurt, then Graham got hurt, then McFadden got hurt…and that means you lose. Mike Vick on a bye doesn’t help either. Meanwhile, the Pups are thankful for the Week 6 recap in which yours truly said Arian Foster was not the guy he was supposed to be as a #1. Well that changed pretty dramatically. The production will need to stay near that level going forward.

THE DODGER (5-2) V THE GREENS (5-2) – Someone had to lose this game, as in all fantasy games, fuck ties. Well this one would be no tie as Aaron Rodgers and company went nuts yet again. Waiver wire pick up of the week was DeMarco Murray, who rushed for 253 and a score, that’s always nice. Brees does what he has been doing all year and that’s put up huge points, but it wasn’t enough for The Greens as the 128 combined among Rodgers, Forte, Murray and Johnson was enough for the win alone.

 SPINE SNAPPERS (4-3) V TEAM MEXICO (4-3) – Battle for the middle and boy was it an ugly one. Forced to sit Thomas Brady on his bye week, the Snappers started Matty Ice, who whizzed a pedestrian 20 points. Chris Johnson is a jive turkey pussy that doesn’t run the same anymore now that he is all paid and shit. Team Mexico got baked on dirt weed and started a WR on a bye, but seeing what Torrain did, I don’t think it would have mattered. This one needs no further comment, ugly game.

EASY RIDERS (3-4) V BASSTURDZ (2-5) – When your team performs like the Bassturdz did in week 7, you walk into the locker room, toss around a bunch of gasoline and torch the place. That was seriously pathetic. Easy Riders got a game out of Shonn Greene finally and lookie there over on the bench, who is that humming a hymnal rocking back and forth? It’s none other than Teebus. Will we see him make his Easy Riders debut at QB in week 8? Only Christ the Lord on High knows.

FLABSLAB (3-4) V CHINCH BUGS (1-6) – While I’m recapping this slugfest, and by slugfest I mean a practical forfeit, let me say this, if you have issues getting to a computer to set your lineup, let me know and I will set it for you. There should be no reason that four guys on bye are in the lineup. Really, I know you may drink like an Irish dock worker while you’re on a road trip, but shoot me a text and say “plz set my lineup, srsly” and I will.  Cameron Newton is really solidifying his case for rookie of the year on O. And wow, Ray Rice and the rest of the Ravens put on the ugly game of the week on MNF. Guess the timing was right for the SLAB.

Bring on Week 8.



October 21, 2011


“Carson, I say we go with the mustard pic instead of the mayo.”

All right, all right, I’m sorry about not getting a Recap up for Week 5. Let’s get right into some meat on the league. The NFL trade deadline has passed, but we are able to make trades in our league until 11/29/2011. So, fire ’em up if you’ve got them. Let’s get to the week 6 action.

CANUCKS (5-1) V THE DODGER (4-2) – Arguably two of the best teams in the league squared up in week six and the game did not disappoint. Both teams were very very even in production save for super TE Jimmy Graham, who is having a really nice season. Each team had a solid  game and it even appeared that the Dodger may have enough in the tank to pull off the win, but Santonio Holmes came up short…and Calvin Johnson didn’t score, that’s weird. Looks like Earnest Graham will do fine filling in for Blount. Both teams will win plenty more games.

THE GREENS (5-1) V EASY RIDERS (2-4) – The Greens are off to a pretty solid start and it all begins with Brees, who has not had a single game with less than 30 fantasy points. That will always put you in a good position. And wow, Ahmad Bradshaw, really? It’s no surprise that I am mentioning Fred Jackson AGAIN in a recap, this guys seems to get better every week. The Easy Riders had an OK game, but it took a 24 point effort from the DST to even sniff 100, which is not a good stat. The glaring weakness on this team is QB. I’m unsure about Peyton’s return, but he sure is hard to cut when the Colts won’t place him in IR.

TEAM MEXICO (4-2) V CHICNH BUGS (1-5) – The season for the Chinch Bugs is really going more like a bad infestation of bed bugs, it’s just gets more and more irritating. The pieces are in place for a run, but it’s the little things that wear you down in fantasy, like your stud RB not hitting 100 yds. Team Mexico is patch working his way in to the top 5 and getting Ws…see Ryan Torrain and Roddy White. One’s a scrub and the other was drafted as a number 1 WR. They combined for 4 points. Meanwhile, you get 13 from your kicker and you’re happy.  Fuck it, it’s a win.

SPINE SNAPPERS (3-3) V BASSTURDZ (2-4) – The brothers Malina squared off in this week 6 matchup and the Bassturdz held a serious advantage. Bye weeks forced the Spine Snappers to bench ALL of their starting RBs and a WR. Fortunately, Colston produced and kept the game respectable, but in the end, this one was over before it began. Rashard Mendenhall had a nice bounce back game for the Turdz and Stafford has been solid, 33 point average. The rest of the staff didn’t do much, but not a lot was needed. Again, fuck it, it’s a win.

FLABSLAB (2-4) V TIMID PUPPIES (2-4) – In a battle for the 2nd win of the season, the Pups and the Slab went to battle. Poor Arian Foster just isn’t the guy he was last year, and certainly not looking like the #1 overall pick that he was. Through six weeks, he’s missed two games and has scored 59 points total. That hurts. The one-two punch of Gore and Rice is a nice combo for the Slab and when Romo plays well, this team can put up points. Looks like Steven Jackson is back too, so this could be a heavy running team. The Pups need some players to start putting up double digits. When all but two players (one being the DST) score 9 or under, including a zero from a player that played the entire game, winning will not come easily.

It’s Friday, and I’m ready for a drink.



October 7, 2011

Nothing wrong with a litte ground and pound.

There are several quite interesting stories unfolding in the NFL now that four weeks have been played. Injuries are out of control, that has a lot to do with the lock out. The SF 49ers are 3-1 and probably the worst 3-1 team in football. The Eagles are a bunch of pussies and sit at 1-3 but have a better chance of making the playoffs than the niners IMO. The Colts REALLY suck without Manning and are, yes you guessed it, winless.  That snuggles them up in the same bed with Minnesota and St. Louis, who farted?

SPINE SNAPPERS (3-1) V EASY RIDERS (2-2) —  This game was pretty close all the way through Sunday’s action and appeared to hinge on the Sunday night game as Easy Riders had the Jets D and Plaxico. At one point, the two teams were separated by a single point, but defenses almost always go backwards, and they did. Plax didn’t have it in him. If Peterson is going to carry the Vikings, they need to bench McNabb right now and start Ponder, nothing left to lose. Beanie Wells…questionable up until kickoff, 138 yds on the ground and 3 TDs, thanks bud.

CANUCKS (3-1) V FLABSLAB (1-3) – I guess you could say that Cameron Newton is a legit candidate for offensive rookie of the year. The guy is balling and actually throws a good pass in the NFL. Another rookie, Julio Jones had a pretty solid outing. Canucks were too much for the FLAB though, Jimmy Graham had a monster game at TE and LeGarrette Blount capped off the weeks action with 127yds and an old school 35 yd run off tackle for a score on MNF. Did you hear the one about Hank Williams Jr., the Rabbi and Obama? Never mind.

THE DODGER (3-1) V TIMID PUPPIES (1-3) – Well, look, if you’re going to lose a game in fantasy football would you rather be in it and lose at the last second or just get your ass reamed out and move on? Once Matt Forte went for 205, you knew it was going to be a long day for the Pups. Starting Arian Foster would have been a good move, but wouldn’t have mattered. And Rodgers, Jesus Christ, what a fucking game for the Cal Bear. Doesn’t get much better when two players outscore the opposing team in FF. Andre Johnson injury could be a problem though.

THE GREENS (3-1) V TEAM MEXICO (2-2) – When neither of your QBs breaks 10, you gotta get up off the bathroom floor, put the pill bottle  back in the cabinet and grab another beer; you’re team is going to lose. Team Mexico got some production out of his two starting RBs but that was about it. The WR position may be an issue for The Greens in the future, but right now they are hitting the bubbler on all cylinders. I think Fred Jackson is one of the best backs in the league right now, let’s see how this continues to trend.

BASSTURDZ (1-3) V CHINCH BUGS (1-3) – Well lookie here, the Bassturdz made a move and got themselves a QB. And their first win. That wasn’t even his best game, but it added a little more stability to a shaky roster. Welker’s a stud, flat out, he keeps making plays. And the Redskins D? Seven thacks, jeezzthuth. Chinch Bugs got caught in a classic case of QB Monty, this is where you start the guy you benched last week based on his previous weeks performance, then the guy you bench goes off…and you lose. And you thought the Redskins D was tough, hello Baltimore, god damn.

Let’s pop a cap on this week, and here’s to a burnt orange sunset. Fuck OU.



September 30, 2011

It’sh very important to study your matchupshh

And the hits just keep on coming. Especially for The Greens. First Jamal Charles in week two now Kenny Britt in Week 3. These can be debilitating to a squad. In other news, the Lions and Bills are both 3-0…Cowboys had better block Suh . Lions have the Bengals, could be 4-0 for both. As the league goes, you could say we have parity. No undefeated teams and only one winless team. This same winless team started 0-3 last year and made it to the Super Bowl. Anyway, week 3 in the books, boyz.

SPINE SNAPPERS (2-1) V TIMID PUPPIES (1-2) – After using the 9th overall pick on hold out RB, Chris Johnson, the Spine Snappers were quite optimistic one the gold-toothed one signed a mega contract. But thus far, the only certainties here are that CJ2K is out of shape and not making the most of his opportunities. Still a long way to go. Even with a combined total of 4 points out of three players, the Timid Puppies strung together a productive game to get their first win of the season. This will be one of Schaub’s better weeks and it looks like Smith finally realized he had Vernon Davis as a TE.

CANUCKS (2-1) V BASSTURDZ (0-3) – One thing is certain in these days of RB by committee, when someone is the man, they don’t split a lot of carries. That can be said for one Darren McFadden. This guy is a beast and playing like a first round back; good pick in Round 2.  I will say this thought, I think Michael Vick is a pussy. Quit crying about the refs not giving you the call, talk to your OC about better pass protection. Turdz got a HUGE game out of Wes Welker as he torched the Bills secondary for 217 receiving yards in a losing effort. The outlook is better for the Turdz as they went over 100 points and made a move midweek.

TEAM MEXICO (2-1) V EASY RIDERS (2-1) – Even thought he started an inactive Antonio Gates, Team Mexico still got plenty of scoring from the rest of the players, starting with the Flacc who took flight for 52 points. Knock Knock…who’s there? BenJarvus Green-Ellis. BenJarvus Green-Ellis who? I don’t know, where did he get that name? Off week for the Easy Riders, Peterson is dong all he can to be a super stud playing for a dogshit team. The Jets need to run Greene more, but LT is hogging the ball. I like the Kolb to Fitz connection, that needs to continue.

THE GREENS (2-1) V FLABSLAB (1-2) – What did I say about the Gronk in the week 2 recap? Huh? That’s what I thought, and 109 yards and 2 TDs later, you got 27 points out of the TE. Fred Jackson is a legit RB with moves and well Brees is Brees, he’s a stud. As for Cameron Newton, he has been very good to this point, I think the weather made it very difficult for him or any QB for that matter to be productive in Week 3. Jermichael Finley, wow, 3 TDs, that’s huge. And rookie WR Julio Jones stepped out of the shadows for a nice game.

 THE DODGER (2-1) V CHINCH BUGS (1-2) – It’s hard to imagine starting Ryan Fitzpatrick against NE over River Phillips against KC so the call was seemingly easy. Well it also cost Chinch Bugs the game because Fitzy went off. Meh, what are you gonna do? Another solid performance from LeSean, he seems to be the only Eagle who is playing a physical brand of ball. DeSean Jackson and the rest of them are playing like soft little bitches. Dodger is just whistling in the corner glad he got a win, Megatron is a sensational WR and of course the opposing team’s secondary it’s all Mr. Rodgers neighborhood.

Bring on Week 4,



September 22, 2011

Adds new meaning to the term, “going under center”, IMO.

Week two is in the books and the rash of injuries is in full swing. By far the most devastating single injury has to be Jamal Charles. The Chiefs are toast now and will be positioning themselves for Andrew Luck in the 2012 draft. How much of this has to do with the lack of training camp and OTSs etc, who knows, but it certainly seems to be contagious among players on both sides of the ball. Hold your breath, we have a long season ahead of us.

SPINE SNAPPERS (2-0) V THE DODGER (1-1) – You look at the score line and notice one thing immediately; this game was essentially eight on eight because both TEs put up bagels, so there’s that.  Brady continues to sizzle as he went over 400 yds and threw three TDs. Rodgers was good to, just not that good. Chris Johnson is looking very pedestrian at this point and his time off certainly seems evident. Young Jahvid Best and the Lions have some things working for the first time in a long time. In the end, 100 points is usually the benchmark for getting a W, but in week 2, half the teams went over 130.

EASY RIDERS (2-0) V CHINCH BUGS (1-1) – Only one of the Easy Riders put up single digits and that was Ced Benson. Adrian Peterson is looking as dominant as ever, even thought the Vikings suck and are the worst team in their division. Fitz went off and the rest of the guys were solid. QB will be an issue here as it’s hard to determine who to start. Chinch Bugs showed you that they are solid by putting up 118 and only three players were in double digits. Look out. Although having two Colts may become an albatross, even if Joe Addai did go to LSU.

CANUCKS (1-1) V TEAM MEXICO (1-1) – After a nasty loss in week one, the Canucks were out for revenge and who better to take it out on than Team Mexico. Looked to be a very close matchup until Gates threw up a bagel and Maclin rode the pine. Grossman outscored Flacco? Oh brother. For the Canucks, starting the goal line back two weeks in a row did not cost him the game and Ben Tate looked pretty solid for the Texas, even if he was on the bench. Tampa is overrated but Blount is a solid back.

THE GREENS (1-1) V  TIMID PUPPIES (0-2) – Oh the Timid Puppies, two weeks in and has not cracked the 100 point barrier yet. Arian Foster has done nothing to help but you can’t have a #1 WR go for ZERO the way Mike Williams did on Sunday. Not that he would have had much choice, his entire bench is running backs. The big surprise of the day for anyone who owns Brandon Lloyd was his exclusion from the lineup. Nobody saw that coming, not even their GM, John Elway. Hopefully that doesn’t happen again. Fred Jackson and the Bills look good, and Brady just hooked the Gronk up with a new pair of Uggs, so he has that going for him.

 FLABSLAB (1-1) V BASSTURDZ (0-2) – After correcting his historical reference, FLOAT Like a Butterfly Sting Like a Bee owner Matthew Crowley was surprised to realize that his team acronym was FLABSLAB; and so it shall be. Miles Austin had the game of his life against SF and Romo really gutted that one out. Austin out until week 5. Those two gave FLABSLAB 75 points alone. Almost always going to be good enough to win. The Bassturdz need to find some production, under 100 points in the first two weeks and nothing on the bench either. Waiver wire is a little more active this week going into Week 3 is my guess.

Crank it up, week three is here!