WEEK 2 RECAP

September 22, 2011

Adds new meaning to the term, “going under center”, IMO.

Week two is in the books and the rash of injuries is in full swing. By far the most devastating single injury has to be Jamal Charles. The Chiefs are toast now and will be positioning themselves for Andrew Luck in the 2012 draft. How much of this has to do with the lack of training camp and OTSs etc, who knows, but it certainly seems to be contagious among players on both sides of the ball. Hold your breath, we have a long season ahead of us.

SPINE SNAPPERS (2-0) V THE DODGER (1-1) – You look at the score line and notice one thing immediately; this game was essentially eight on eight because both TEs put up bagels, so there’s that.  Brady continues to sizzle as he went over 400 yds and threw three TDs. Rodgers was good to, just not that good. Chris Johnson is looking very pedestrian at this point and his time off certainly seems evident. Young Jahvid Best and the Lions have some things working for the first time in a long time. In the end, 100 points is usually the benchmark for getting a W, but in week 2, half the teams went over 130.

EASY RIDERS (2-0) V CHINCH BUGS (1-1) – Only one of the Easy Riders put up single digits and that was Ced Benson. Adrian Peterson is looking as dominant as ever, even thought the Vikings suck and are the worst team in their division. Fitz went off and the rest of the guys were solid. QB will be an issue here as it’s hard to determine who to start. Chinch Bugs showed you that they are solid by putting up 118 and only three players were in double digits. Look out. Although having two Colts may become an albatross, even if Joe Addai did go to LSU.

CANUCKS (1-1) V TEAM MEXICO (1-1) – After a nasty loss in week one, the Canucks were out for revenge and who better to take it out on than Team Mexico. Looked to be a very close matchup until Gates threw up a bagel and Maclin rode the pine. Grossman outscored Flacco? Oh brother. For the Canucks, starting the goal line back two weeks in a row did not cost him the game and Ben Tate looked pretty solid for the Texas, even if he was on the bench. Tampa is overrated but Blount is a solid back.

THE GREENS (1-1) V  TIMID PUPPIES (0-2) – Oh the Timid Puppies, two weeks in and has not cracked the 100 point barrier yet. Arian Foster has done nothing to help but you can’t have a #1 WR go for ZERO the way Mike Williams did on Sunday. Not that he would have had much choice, his entire bench is running backs. The big surprise of the day for anyone who owns Brandon Lloyd was his exclusion from the lineup. Nobody saw that coming, not even their GM, John Elway. Hopefully that doesn’t happen again. Fred Jackson and the Bills look good, and Brady just hooked the Gronk up with a new pair of Uggs, so he has that going for him.

 FLABSLAB (1-1) V BASSTURDZ (0-2) – After correcting his historical reference, FLOAT Like a Butterfly Sting Like a Bee owner Matthew Crowley was surprised to realize that his team acronym was FLABSLAB; and so it shall be. Miles Austin had the game of his life against SF and Romo really gutted that one out. Austin out until week 5. Those two gave FLABSLAB 75 points alone. Almost always going to be good enough to win. The Bassturdz need to find some production, under 100 points in the first two weeks and nothing on the bench either. Waiver wire is a little more active this week going into Week 3 is my guess.

Crank it up, week three is here!

Commi$h

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WEEK 1 RECAP

September 15, 2011

White Gandalf hates your team

Aaaaaaaaaand begin, 2011 Fantasy Football is under way and Week 1 is in the books. We celebrated the beginning of a new season on the 10th anniversary of the attacks of September 11 so I give you one of the classic montages created out of the post-twin towers patriotic flurry; behold.

Yes, that is an eagle sitting on Lassie’s back.

CHINCH BUGS (1-0) V THE GREENS (0-1) – Let me just start by saying it sure sucks to be the guy that could have beaten anyone in the league only to be winless after week 1 because the other team was on fire. Chinch Bugs, AKA Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe AKA Mel Kiper’s Hair have emerged as week one’s top of the heap team after most of his players performed admirably. LeSean McCoy looks to be a premier back. The Greens got a ton of solid work as well, beginning with Mr. Brees. The Kenny Britt benching cost them this week and I think I spy three QBs on that roster… “trade bait” is going to be thrown around a bit too casually in the coming weeks.

THE DODGER (1-0) V MOVE LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE (0-1) – Let me just start off by saying this; It’s “FLOAT like a butterfly, sting like a bee” the rest of it is all semantics. The 2010 champ squared up to week one with a 43 point performance from Mr. Rodgers, not a bad way to begin. But this one would be a heavyweight that was ultimately lost by MLABSLAB on the back of the Cowboys…INT and fumble by Romo late and a late TD by the Cowboys D iced it. Dodger had no kicker and won. Forte looked good, Ray Rice is a beast.

EASY RIDERS (1-0) V TIMID PUPPIES (0-1) – Let the Kevin Kolb era begin in Arizona! He looked pretty good and certainly has some targets. Schaub…oh Schaub, I remember this from last year when he was MY quarterback. If you bench him, he goes off, if you start him, well, you see what I’m getting at. Cutler looked as good as he has ever looked in passing for 300+ against Atlanta. I thought that game would be closer. Arian Foster the people needs to get healthy quick. The C-Bomb went nuts on Cleveland and he looked like the Benson of old, nice 39 yard rushing TD. I expect both these teams to win quite a few ball games this year.

SPINE SNAPPERS (1-0) V CANUCKS (0-1) — This may have been the game of the week. The Canucks led 104-57after Sunday’s action. It certainly wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that Brady could deliver 48 points for the Spine Snappers to win it, but the Canucks also had Darren McFadden rushing against the Denver defense that he feasts upon annually. Soooooo, Brady went off for 71, holy fuck; Snaps up 24. Now the Canucks were on the ropes. McFadden continued to do his thing and it looked certain that he had 25 points in him, but what appeared to be a TD was ruled down at the 1 and Bush got the score. Wow, that was a nail biter.

TEAM MEXICO (1-0) V BASSTURDZ (0-1) – Very even match up here, neither team left anything on the bench and just as many active players shit their pants and didn’t score. Looks like Mexico will have to release the Flacc from here on out because Manning’s return is very questionable. Bassturdz are hurting at QB, this could be an issue, or maybe it was just the Ravens. Big Ben could be fine. Now let’s talk about the guy who is 6-2 250lbs (which I think is being kind) that can swing his fucking leg over his head like it’s on a swivel. That’s right Seb-Jan kicked a 63 yarder on Monday night to open the season, wow. He was knocking them through at 75 yards in pregame. Just imagine what he could do if he wasn’t always on the date rape drug?

Bring on Week 2,

Commi$h

PLAYOFFS ROUND 2

December 21, 2010

And then there were two. The second week of the playoffs is in the books and everything has gone according to plans if you look at the seedings. One and two both advanced and we have the matchup of the two best teams in the Super Bowl. This is by no means the way it always happens, but 2010 is the year of the favorites. Speaking of favorites, cheerleaders are nice too. See video above.

1ST SEED-THE DOGDER V 6TH SEED-SPINE SNAPPERS – After battling through the first round of the playoffs, the Spine Snappers had to make all the right moves to get past the one seed, a tall task. Let’s just make it short and sweet; they did not make all the right moves. It started with a bagel from the TE on Thursday night and only got worse. The coaching call in question was benching Maclin against the Giants in favor of Garcon, who was on a hot streak and facing a porous Jags defense. Well, that did not work out so well, in fact it was enough to be eliminated from the playoffs. The Dodger needed only 7 points from his kicker Robbie Gould, a not so easy task in the snow in Minnesota, but the chore proved easy enough to rain a Gould-en shower all over the Spine Snappers for 16 points. Ray Rice was another MAJOR cog in that wheel for The Dodger as he went off for his best performance of the year aside from Week 5 against Denver. This will be crucial in the next game, which is for all the marbles. THE DODGER 126 – SPINE SNAPPERS 116

2nd SEED-BASSTURDZ V 4TH SEED-TEAM MEXICO – Team Mexico was riding a wave into Round 2 of the playoffs. Beers poppin’, bowls loaded, potential opponents being called out, the world was his oyster, time for a return to glory after last year’s Super Bowl disappointment. So confident was Team Mexico that he spearheaded the effort to eliminate the 3rd place game, which has always paid the buy in for the victor. Then of course there’s the old adage, “that’s why they play the games.” It was at this time that all the candy fell out of TM’s piñata, nobody showed up. Meanwhile, Bassturdz got major work out of a team of 7. TO went out, Gates was out and Heap of shit didn’t play, didn’t matter to the Bassturdz. No drama; just points. Ball game BASSTURDZ 107 – TEAM MEXICO 64

SUPER BOWL PREVIEW

1ST SEED-THE DODGER V 2ND SEED-BASSTURDZ – Well well well, one v two for the freaking trophy. This one should be very interesting. We know Matty Ice will be a slinging the ball around the field against New Orleans on Monday night. The question is, will Brady be doing the same thing against Buffalo? Or will he be on the bench by halftime because the Pats have already locked up their playoff position? If you look at matchups, The Dodger has the more favorable matchups for his players; see MJD @ Washington and Rice @ Cleveland. Bassturdz have an edge at WR, as both Colston and Andre Johnson are playing at a high level. Foster is hurt so look for Schaub to find Johnson a lot against a sorry Denver team, Champ Bailey be damned. Oakland is playing Indy so McFadden will get loose, but Oakland has a decent secondary and LBs, so will Tamme get loose? As for the defenses, flip a coin, both are playing lousy opponents, but the Cowboys had a hard time stopping Rex Grossman. Pats had a hard time against young Matt Flynn too, but edge goes to the Patriots. Both Teams are 9-5 going into the Super Bowl, but only one can emerge with the magical 10th win. Handicapping the big one is tough; edge The Dodger.

Now who wants to play the bridesmaid Spine Snappers for a case of beer?

Commi$h

PLAYOFFS

December 14, 2010

 

“Breathe deeply boys, you’re in for a bumpy ride”

Well, the season has come and gone and round one of the playoffs is in the books. While the Dodger and Bassturdz sat at home and breathed easy as player performance had no ramifications one way or the other, four owners screamed at their televisions, and for one owner, screamed at the cable provider because the NFL Redzone was out for the first hour of the games. With the collapse of the roof in Minny, a 2nd Monday night game was added to the schedule, upping the ante even further in the Wildcard round.

4TH SEED-TEAM MEXICO V 5TH SEED-CANUCKS – The intrigue was high in first matchup; two playoff teams from last year, one being the Super Bowl Runner Up and the other a two time winner. Canucks came into the playoffs having scored more points than any team, while Team Mexico came into the playoffs as one of the hottest teams after starting the season 1-4. Canucks had a couple tough decisions to make in the player personnel department, neither of which would have made a difference in the end, but this one was over by 6:00PM on Sunday evening. Eight of nine players done and 49 points on the board, not going to do it. Team Mexico seared up some steaks while Tom Brady filleted the Bears in the snow, hitting Welker for 100+ receiving yards (a first for Welker this year) and Gronkowski for an early TD. The decision of which QB to play has all of a sudden become pretty easy for TM now that the Broncos completely suck ass. FINAL SCORE-Team Mexico 112 Canucks 66.

3RD SEED-THE GREENS V 6TH SEED-SPINE SNAPPERS – After both teams took a tumble in the standings to finish the season, what would happen in this match up was anybody’s guess. As the early games wound down, the Greens were in a really good spot, Michael Turner and his tree trunk legs ran for over 100 and 3 TDs, which is nice. On top of that, Spine Snappers were basically scoreless until late in the 2nd half of the first set of games, not much production out of any of the players. As the dust settled on Sunday’s game, The Greens held a 34 point lead and the Spine Snappers needed big games from both the Giants D and Matt Schaub. It wasn’t looking good for the Snaps as the slapdick receivers for the Texans dropped 7 of the first 12 passes Schaub threw. But as the half wound down, the Texas passing game got wound up and the score was damn near even. Schaub continued to throw for the FF win and the Snappers advance. FINAL SCORE-The Greens 89 Spine Snappers 124

Playoff Preview

1ST SEED-THE DODGER V 6TH SEED-SPINE SNAPPERS – The Dodger put up some major league points on the bye week, which is a double edged sword because while you want that type of output when you’re playing and not on a bye week, it also shows that your team is producing. Tom Brady is the best QB in the league, hands down. Fourth round draft pick in this year’s draft. This mofo is dealing as evidenced by his complete destruction of the Chicago defense in a freaking Arctic blizzard. I would look for the Tom to continue his gun slinging ways, he has put up 40 or more points in 4 of the last 5 weeks and hasn’t thrown a pick since week 6. As for the Snappers, this team continues to put up solid points, but the loss of Frank Gore has really taken a bit of consistency out of the Snappers game. It will be interesting to see the result of this one, but got to give the edge to the Dodger.

2ND SEED-BASSTURDZ V 4TH SEED-TEAM MEXICO – The Bassturdz are in the playoffs as the two seed for a few reasons. One is that they score 100+ points on a regular basis and two is they have the best WR in the league, Andre Johnson. He continues to go out there, sack it up and score. Gotta love that in your stallion. Matt Ryan, or Matty Ice as he was known in his Boston College days, has been wicked solid for the Turdz, but the question is will the Falcons jump all over the Seahawks and run the ball for the rest of the game, much like they did last Sunday at Carolina? The bigger question is at TE, as Gates is an integral part of this lineup. For Team Mexico, the Tom Brady ride continues, so start em if you got em. TMs main RB put up sorry numbers with a new QB. Is now the time to hope that Favre actually plays? And the other stud RB Fred Jackson is playing against the nasty Pats D. This my friends will be a battle. Very tough on to pick, but edge to Team Mexico because I don’t know if the Turdz have a TE.

COMMI$H

WEEK 10 RECAP

November 16, 2010

Let me just start by saying that Coach Brown WILL NOT give up without a fight…as long as that means you can count fighting with members of the media. Anyhooooo, let’s get down to the business at hand. Sorry for the spotty recaps this year, I know it’s tough when your team whips an ass one week and you don’t get your congratulatory pat on the ass. Nice job kid, keep up the good work. Three short weeks left in the regular season and only six can go through to the postseason. Everyone perceives that they have a chance, but not for long.

THE GREENS (7-3) V BASSTURDZ (6-4) – All good things must come to an end, and for The Greens, that meant the three game streak that vaulted him to the top of the standings with 7 wins was squashed at the hands of the Turdz. It all began Thursday when the Bassturdz played 43 with Matthews to The Greens 3 with Turner; party started. Scrappy Fitzpatrick was not able to get it done this time and Marshall is kind of a head case, so it was difficult for the Greens to keep smoking. Andre Johnson did what he does and the Bassturdz started Janikowski even though he was on his bye week, tripping on X and canoodling with Russian strippers. Nice gig.

TEAM MEXICO (6-4) V EASY RIDERS (3-7) – Speaking of smoking, Team Mexico is on fire. After starting 1-4, the beans have ripped off 5 straight wins to vault themselves well into playoff contention. This time on the arm of Flacco. The scary part is that if he could have picked the right QB each week, he’d be leading the league in points by a mile. For the Easy Riders, the road gets pretty rough going forward, all must win games. I’m sure Peyton Manning NOT throwing a touchdown pass was purely an aberration, expect more in week 11.

CANUCKS (6-4) V TIMID PUPPIES (4-6) – Very ironic that the two highest scoring teams in the league have mirror opposite records. Timid Puppies last two games have been explosions of points, 276 in two games, and he’s getting them from the entire starting lineup. Depth for this squad is another subject entirely. The Canucks are right in the mix as usual and in fact put up a pretty decent score after Mike Wallace’s big performance on Sunday night. But it wouldn’t be enough. This theme continued in Week 10 for another team.

THE DODGER (6-4) V SPINE SNAPPERS (5-5) – In What appeared to be a lopsided game, The Dodger trailed 131-87 after all the afternoon games had been played. With only one player left, Ben Gropethisfurburger, it was looking bleak for The Dodger. And after one half of play, the QB had only amassed 5 points. But in a tale of two halves, the Steelers mounted a comeback, not unlike Big Ben in a bathroom, and when the dust settled, The Dodger had a 7 point lead going into MNF. Spine Snappers needed yards and a TD from Maclin to make it to the .500 mark and got it right before halftime. Michael Vick came out of the gates like rabid dog and the Eagles scored 5 TDs in the first half. Tough to lose when you score more than 7 other teams. But fantasy football is like that.

SOMEHWERE OVER D-WAYNE BOWE (4-6) V EARMUFFS (3-7) – This game could be, no, in fact it is the comeback of the season. Going in to MNF, Earmuffs trailed 83-28 and it looked all but certain that SODWB would snap his 3-game slide. But as we all know, you’re always in it if you have a dog in the fight…especially if his name is Mike Vick. Vick put up a season high 72 points, which would have been enough to win it, but Earmuffs also has McCoy, who added another 15 for good measure. SODWB’s waiver wire QB turned out nicely, but the double Tights experiment backfired as Pettigrew and Gonzales both shit the bed. This can be a brutal game.

WEEK 7 RECAP

October 26, 2010

So we are officially through Week 7 and at the halfway point. Some teams are in a good position, others not so much. There’s a lot to this here fantasy football game and luck IS a part of it. Everyone can’t be lucky at the same time, although some can be lucky most of the time. If you’re in the lower half of the standings, it’s officially nut cutting time. Must win ball games from here on out. The guys at the top will be trying to hold onto their spots and those in the middle want to stay right there.

 Battle for the top six, second half edition! Avoid the freefall!

Power1_medium

THE DODGER (5-2) V EARMUFFS (2-5) – Don’t know whether another case of Miller Lite was on the line when these two squared up to battle on Sunday, but it was a close one. Earmuffs did everything they could to try and reach 100 points with single digit outputs from 7 of 9 active roster sports, but it just didn’t happen. Aaron Rodgers continues to be the captain of this ship, but if Earmuffs doesn’t turn it around soon, they’ll be arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. The Dodger’s name seems to be pretty appropriate this year, he has been dodging bullets all year long. This one was leaving 81 points on the bench in a close game. Crisis averted.

THE GREENS (5-2) V EASY RIDERS (2-5) – The Greens have been plodding along all season just staying in games and emerging victorious more often than not. Take a look at not only the active roster, but the bench in week 7, another 115 points seated. That is production. Looks like Carson Palmer will be the signal caller for the Greens for a few weeks though, this could be dangerous. Meanwhile, out on the Lido deck, the Easy Riders are doing just that, taking it easy. After dropping 3 of his 5 TEs to fill some holes, he went back to sipping coladas on his honeymoon. Congrats. Anyone hear the one about the cruise ship magician and the parrot?

SPINE SNAPPERS (4-3) V SOMEWHERE OVER D-WAYNE BOWE (4-3) – When this games started, the Snappers looked up at the scoreboard to see that the first quarter had almost elapsed and replacement QB Matt Cassel had not completed one pass. Is that some sort of NFL record being held by Ryan Leaf? Simultaneously, SODWB decided that maybe pouring an ice cold Bud Light over his own head would wake him up to find that Drew Brees had NOT thrown two pick sixes to a defensive tackle. Brees went on to rack up some good numbers along with the rest of his team, but the Snappers had other plans. Roddy White was in charge and went for 200+ yards receiving with a couple scores. Lots of critical bye weeks upcoming for the Snaps, we’ll see.

BASSTURDZ (4-3) V CANUCKS (4-3) – In yet another battle for the middle of the pack, the Bassturdz took the field minus their best player, Andre Johnson, who was resting on a bye. Marques Colston and TO stepped up admirably and Matt Ryan lit up the field with a season high 299 passing yards as well. It will be interesting to see how the Turdz handle a bit of adversity this week as Ryan is on a bye and Alex Smith is in a hospital. Canucks ownership is not happy with Ray Rice thus far and would have preferred to see Thomas Jones make an impact from the field instead of the bench. QB does not seem to be a problem on this squad.

TEAM MEXICO (3-4) V TIMID PUPPIES (2-5) – This was one of the most intriguing games of the week as both teams came out firing. Both teams also made costly coaching errors, which could ultimately only backfire on one team. Unfortunately for the Pups, keeping Kenny Britt benched for disciplinary reasons didn’t work out so well. As the clock wound down on Brett Favre and the Vikings, Adrian Peterson caught a screen pass and took it for 45 yards, which ultimately cost the Pups the game and got Team Mexico a much needed win. As for Team Mexico, this game of QB Russian Roulette is going to put a bullet in this team before long.

Commi$h

WEEK 5 RECAP

October 14, 2010

I can tell you why Brett Favre’s elbow is sore.

We’re right back it and what do you know, the commi$h actually wrote two consecutive recaps. So heading into week 5, we hadn’t had too many games that resulted in a loss for a team due to coaching errors. This particular week highlighted the point that coaching does matter in FF. Spine Snappers, Bassturdz, Team Mexico and Earmuffs all left major points on the bench and they weren’t stretches to be in the lineup. Oh well, so the game goes. And on a side note, I’m not overly optimistic, but I sure hope those Longhorns go into Lincoln and rub T-Majic’s face in the turf more than once. Otherwise, this one could get ugly.

The Dodger (4-1) v Bassturdz (2-3) — You know you’re living right or lucky, when you can start an untested rookie at QB, have him shit the bed, start the wrong Dallas RB (the one who does not break 20 yds rushing), lose your TE in the first half and still come out on top. Well the Dodger is 4-1 and now Brady is back. Finley’s injury is tough to speculate on, could be back sooner than later, but who knows. Bassturdz were riding the hot hand of TO, but he wound up on the bench. A bagel from Timmy Hightower only adds insult to injury. Lots of 2-3 teams out there.

The Greens (4-1) v Team Mexico (1-4) — The Greens are having a bittersweet season in 2010. As a person, he is a huge Cowboy fan, and we all know how that’s going. As an owner, he has Tony Romo, who is forced to throw the ball 40+ times a game by this little guy on the sidelines, and we all know how well that’s going. In the same minute he’s cheering Romo for throwing for over 300 yards, he’s frogging himself in the thigh as Mike Jenkins gets yet another interference call. Team Mexico finally got rid of his dial up internet (goodbye thumbnails, hello streaming video) but almost cost himself the game by not checking the positional lineup. Again, Kyle Orton is having a monster year.

Canucks (3-2) v Somewhere Over D-Wayne Bowe (3-2) — After storming out of the gates with three straight wins, defending champion, SODWB has really tapped the brakes over the last couple of weeks. It doesn’t help when you don’t have any help on the bench due to bye weeks and injuries, but there’s not a lot of production coming out of that camp right now. Canucks got damn near ALL their scoring from 3 players in week three. Nice work if you can get it. Arian Foster had his first pedestrian game, wonder how that bodes for the rest of the season now that the G-men exposed Houston’s defense.

Timid Puppies (2-3) v Earmuffs (2-3) — The Pups had to play this one exactly right in week 5 and they did. When is the last time you picked up a  QB off the waiver wire and got 32 points out of him, NEVER. The other factor in play was whether Earmuffs would play the right lineup, which they did not. This is a good team with good players, but they chips are not falling his direction. But then again, there are a lot of 2-3 teams right now, so things could change.

Easy riders (2-3) v Spine Snappers (2-3) — The ultimate coaching kills scenario. It was known that Michael Bush would get the majority of the carries against SD, but the Snappers decided to stick with the lineup they had and not work Bush into the game. Ultimately, a deal killer for yet another 2-3 team. For the Easy Riders, it was all about the gunslinger and Mr. Harvin. After a lackluster 1st half, they opened it up and took the Snappers out of the picture. Having Mrs. Moss back in Minnesota is going to make Harvin’s life much easier.

Commi$h

RECAP WEEK 4

October 5, 2010

 

Kyle Orton celebrating his ranking as a top 3 Fantasy QB. 

Back in the saddle after a week with no recap, I apologize for the irregularity [insert punch line here]. There are several truths we know to be self evident in NFL football. The players hit hard, see Oakland’s Gradkowski. Peyton Manning passes the ball  a lot and Jay Cutler does not care about anything other than himself and his after party at Joe’s in downtown Chicago. In fantasy, the lines are not so clear. For instance, the number one overall pick, Chris Johnson, could go for 53 yards on the ground with a fumble while the loveable loser pick, Arian Foster sits out the first half and still goes for 131 rushing with a 74 yd TD sprint. Go figure…go fucking figure.  

Somewhere Over D-Wayne Bowe (3-1) v Bassturdz (2-2) The last remaining undefeated team SODWB matched up against the surging Bassturdz in week 4. Couple things about these two owners, they both enjoy bagels for breakfast and starting guys that are scratched from the line up. So they had an 8 v 8 game. SODWB had an13 point lead going into MNF, but the Patriots D decided that was their night to crank it up a notch and scored 3 defensive touchdowns. No more undefeated teams in 2010.  

The Dodger (3-1) v Timid Puppies (1-3) One the items mentioned in the opening soliloquy was something about Jay Cutler not giving a shit. Well, after you have been sacked 9 times in the first half , would you give a shit? No. Hit the showers, -3 points for the QB.  Then DeSean Jackson and Steve Smith combined for….wait for it…2 points. Long week ahead for the TP. The premier RB for The Dodger finally woke up as MJD went over 100 and a couple TDs and the Jags are surprisingly 2-2.  Santonio Holmes returns in Week 5, so a good WR corps just got better.  

The Greens (3-1) v Earmuffs (2-2) the Greens are 3-1 and feeling like they’re on a roller coaster. Glad to have won 3 of the last four but feeling weird that the core of the team did not perform in Week 4. Doesn’t really matter a win is a win in the end. Michael Turner has been a real disappointment so far. As for Earmuffs, LT had a monster games, but zeros from THREE of your players is obviously not a good thing. Erratic scoring outputs for the Earmuffs to say the least.  

Spine Snappers (2-2) v Team Mexico (1-3) The old adage about getting to 100 seems to hold true in our league come hell or high water. Spine Snappers had what would be categorized as an invisible day, not a single player stood out and Maclin did nothing, but collectively, 100 was scored. It didn’t hurt that Adrian Peterson was on the bench for the beans. The QB rotation and coaching cost Team Mexico a .500 record. Ricky Williams looked pretty good, but mini-Welker (Woodhead) took all the catches and TDs away from the real Welker.  

Canucks (2-2) v Easy Riders (1-3) After blasting out of the gates in week 1 pants pulled up and ball cap down, the Easy Riders have hit a skid mark. It wasn’t an overall bad day for the ERs but it was a great day for Arian Foster, who plays for the Canucks. The guy sat out the entire first half then busted a 74 yard TD run and finished with over 100 rushing.  This is looking like the RB pick of the year.  ERs will bust out of the funk soon, they have Peyton Manning after all.  

Commi$h

RETURN OF THE RECAP – WEEK 2 EDITION

September 21, 2010

“What’s my motherf-in’ name?”

Apologies for not getting the recap up for week 1, I was in a week long seminar entitled, “Making the Mortgage Market More Complicated; The Deal Killer Series”.  Anyway, let’s get this party bus rolling for week 2. One thing we do know, Andre Johnson is a great football player that pushes DBs around like Cuban beeotches in Coral Gables.  Just look at the poor bastard laying on the ground in the background. One thing we also know, Jason Garrett is a reeeeeaaaallly complicated, super complex, extra smart guy who loves puzzles and riddles. Riddle me this, why is Roy Williams on the field and why hasn’t Felix Jones gotten more than 18 touches in two games? Oh well, on to the more important issues that make up the fantasy football world.

The Dodger (2-0) v The Greens (1-1) – Coming off a week one victory, The Dodger was brimming with confidence as he faced his favorite rival, The Greens. This goes back to childhood. So the fingernails were being gnawed in Casa de Dodger when it appeared that Reggie Wayne would be his last hope for a victory in week two. Good thing the Colts like throwing ball up big in the 4th quarter, but it is what it is; steady Reggie Wayne. The Greens will need to up their point totals to be competitive, they squeaked out a win in week one scoring less than 100 points, but generally speaking this is a weekly benchmark for winning. Jamal Charles is now a self-proclaimed backup and Snelling went nuts in place of Turner.

Somewhere Over D-Wayne Bowe (2-0) v Team Mexico (0-2) – In a rematch of the 2009 Super Bowl, Team Mexico looked to exact revenge for the thrashing SODWB inflicted on him in the final. BRRRRRRTTTT, wet fart, sorry Flacco, four INTs doesn’t get it done. There is QB quandary south of the border because Favre looks terrible and Flacco better improve. SODWB didn’t exactly light the world on fire in week two, but got the win nonetheless. Please send Drew Brees a thank you card.

Spine Snappers (1-1) v Canucks (1-1) – Typically a hotly contested match up, these two teams locked horns again on the same weekend their rivals locked horns on the field in Lubbock. Spine Snappers coming off an invisible and very forgettable week one and the Canucks brimming with confidence after a come from behind win on opening day. Then Matt Schaub went nuts. Considering River Phillips put up 42 points and Schaub tacked on 20 more than that and you know you have the makings of a scoring fest. Rookie Jahvid Best should add an “a” to his last name because he has certainly gotten the hang of the NFL, kid is a baller. 195 points s good enough to be the 2nd most points scored in a game behind Mel Kiper’s Hair’s 209 in 2006.

Ear Muffs (1-1) v Easy Riders (1-1) – This one was a tough one to forecast as Ear Muffs had a real weak first game, scoring less than 60 and Easy Riders had a great game, going over 150. What a difference a week makes. Where Rodgers and McCoy accounted for 33 points in week one, they doubled that in week 2; numbers the Ear Muffs were expecting when they were drafted. Meanwhile Peyton did his job but Housh did not and threw up a goose egg, something you cannot afford to have in the starting lineup in FF. Forte looks nice but I see potential RB problems for the ER in the future.

Timid Puppies (1-1) v Bassturdz (0-2) – This one was a very tight battle of two teams looking to get their first wins in 2010. Week one saw the Timid Puppies get their nose rubbed in poop on a comeback from the Canucks and the Bassturdz stud receiver Andre Johnson was the victim of a QB who didn’t throw the ball as Foster went bananas. Both teams put up enough points to beat 7 of the 10 teams in week two, but unfortunately for Bassturdz, 0-2 is how you start. For Timid, Jay Cutler looks like a different player this year, we will see how long it lasts but he looks good. For Bassturdz, the team is solid, although you’d like for Brees to target Colston a little more often, he spreads it around a ton.

 

So there you have it, week 2 in a nutshell. Back to work boyz.

Commi$h

 

 

SUPER BOWL BOUND

December 22, 2009

And the day has finally come. We have two teams remaining to play for all the marbzzz. Team Mexico, the red hot 6th seed matching up with the gridiron eating Somewhere Over D-Wayne Bowe. I had a chance to get out and see what these guys were up to over the weekend and posted some photos above–be sure and click on them. As you can see, both were in full celebration mode as the results of Monday Night Football had no bearing on the outcome and subsequent advancement into the Super Bowl.

 

SUPER BOWL MATCH UP

#4 SOMEWHERE OVER D-WAYNE BOWE

-V-

#6TEAM MEXICO

 

If both these teams can keep up their scoring output from the past five weeks, then this should be quite an entertaining Super Bowl. Team Mexico’s RBs have more favorable match ups with Gore facing Detroit and Jackson facing the Cardinals. Not that the Cardinals are bad on D, but Johnson against SD and Jamal Charles against Cincy poses a less favorable matchup. 

SODWB has a better match up at QB with Romo facing a pathetic Redskins D. You have to hope the Skins show up to play otherwise he will not be throwing much. McNabb against the Broncos is a tough match up, but everything is on the line for the Iggles, so they will be balling.

As for the WRs, Team Mexico will need DeSean Jackson to continue his dominance against a pretty sticky Denver D and SODWB will look to Sidney Rice to work over the Bears D. I’m not sold on either TE, it’s a hit or miss source of points although both are capable of double digits and have done so this year.

The two flex guys, Thomas Jones and Ricky Williams kind of cancel each other out, but Ricky gets the advantage facing Houston. Don’t have much confidence in either D today as SODWB’s defense almost cost him last week and the Vikings D was bad for Team Mexico. Hard to switch to the D that will be facing your two best players, but what are you going to do?

Kickers are whores that get paid to do one thing. When they don’t do it, they get a foot in their ass. Appropriately, the two kickers will be squaring off against each other in the same game…Bironas v. Kaeding. One will get a foot in his ass.

So there you have it, time to get it on. I’ll say Team Mexico squeaks this one out 124-119.

In other news…Sweetness and Easy Riders play off for third place. Merry Christmas mofos!

Commi$h