Posts Tagged ‘Chinch Bugs’

WEEK 7 RECAP

October 27, 2011

Exhibit A–Rob Gronkowski is in a bedroom with pornstar Bibi Jones

 

Aaaaaaaaannd then he nailed her

Week 7 came and went and we are now officially on the backside of the season, six weeks remain until the playoffs start. We have pretty good parity going on right now as there is no clear cut number one, lots of middle of the road and only one true cellar dweller, sorry Chinch Bugs. Let’s get to the meat…curtains…Gronkowski.

CANUCKS (5-2) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-4) – After losing in week one, the Canucks had ripped off five straight wins and were on a roll. Then Blount got hurt, then Graham got hurt, then McFadden got hurt…and that means you lose. Mike Vick on a bye doesn’t help either. Meanwhile, the Pups are thankful for the Week 6 recap in which yours truly said Arian Foster was not the guy he was supposed to be as a #1. Well that changed pretty dramatically. The production will need to stay near that level going forward.

THE DODGER (5-2) V THE GREENS (5-2) – Someone had to lose this game, as in all fantasy games, fuck ties. Well this one would be no tie as Aaron Rodgers and company went nuts yet again. Waiver wire pick up of the week was DeMarco Murray, who rushed for 253 and a score, that’s always nice. Brees does what he has been doing all year and that’s put up huge points, but it wasn’t enough for The Greens as the 128 combined among Rodgers, Forte, Murray and Johnson was enough for the win alone.

 SPINE SNAPPERS (4-3) V TEAM MEXICO (4-3) – Battle for the middle and boy was it an ugly one. Forced to sit Thomas Brady on his bye week, the Snappers started Matty Ice, who whizzed a pedestrian 20 points. Chris Johnson is a jive turkey pussy that doesn’t run the same anymore now that he is all paid and shit. Team Mexico got baked on dirt weed and started a WR on a bye, but seeing what Torrain did, I don’t think it would have mattered. This one needs no further comment, ugly game.

EASY RIDERS (3-4) V BASSTURDZ (2-5) – When your team performs like the Bassturdz did in week 7, you walk into the locker room, toss around a bunch of gasoline and torch the place. That was seriously pathetic. Easy Riders got a game out of Shonn Greene finally and lookie there over on the bench, who is that humming a hymnal rocking back and forth? It’s none other than Teebus. Will we see him make his Easy Riders debut at QB in week 8? Only Christ the Lord on High knows.

FLABSLAB (3-4) V CHINCH BUGS (1-6) – While I’m recapping this slugfest, and by slugfest I mean a practical forfeit, let me say this, if you have issues getting to a computer to set your lineup, let me know and I will set it for you. There should be no reason that four guys on bye are in the lineup. Really, I know you may drink like an Irish dock worker while you’re on a road trip, but shoot me a text and say “plz set my lineup, srsly” and I will.  Cameron Newton is really solidifying his case for rookie of the year on O. And wow, Ray Rice and the rest of the Ravens put on the ugly game of the week on MNF. Guess the timing was right for the SLAB.

Bring on Week 8.

Commi$h

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WEEK 1 RECAP

September 15, 2011

White Gandalf hates your team

Aaaaaaaaaand begin, 2011 Fantasy Football is under way and Week 1 is in the books. We celebrated the beginning of a new season on the 10th anniversary of the attacks of September 11 so I give you one of the classic montages created out of the post-twin towers patriotic flurry; behold.

Yes, that is an eagle sitting on Lassie’s back.

CHINCH BUGS (1-0) V THE GREENS (0-1) – Let me just start by saying it sure sucks to be the guy that could have beaten anyone in the league only to be winless after week 1 because the other team was on fire. Chinch Bugs, AKA Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe AKA Mel Kiper’s Hair have emerged as week one’s top of the heap team after most of his players performed admirably. LeSean McCoy looks to be a premier back. The Greens got a ton of solid work as well, beginning with Mr. Brees. The Kenny Britt benching cost them this week and I think I spy three QBs on that roster… “trade bait” is going to be thrown around a bit too casually in the coming weeks.

THE DODGER (1-0) V MOVE LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE (0-1) – Let me just start off by saying this; It’s “FLOAT like a butterfly, sting like a bee” the rest of it is all semantics. The 2010 champ squared up to week one with a 43 point performance from Mr. Rodgers, not a bad way to begin. But this one would be a heavyweight that was ultimately lost by MLABSLAB on the back of the Cowboys…INT and fumble by Romo late and a late TD by the Cowboys D iced it. Dodger had no kicker and won. Forte looked good, Ray Rice is a beast.

EASY RIDERS (1-0) V TIMID PUPPIES (0-1) – Let the Kevin Kolb era begin in Arizona! He looked pretty good and certainly has some targets. Schaub…oh Schaub, I remember this from last year when he was MY quarterback. If you bench him, he goes off, if you start him, well, you see what I’m getting at. Cutler looked as good as he has ever looked in passing for 300+ against Atlanta. I thought that game would be closer. Arian Foster the people needs to get healthy quick. The C-Bomb went nuts on Cleveland and he looked like the Benson of old, nice 39 yard rushing TD. I expect both these teams to win quite a few ball games this year.

SPINE SNAPPERS (1-0) V CANUCKS (0-1) — This may have been the game of the week. The Canucks led 104-57after Sunday’s action. It certainly wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that Brady could deliver 48 points for the Spine Snappers to win it, but the Canucks also had Darren McFadden rushing against the Denver defense that he feasts upon annually. Soooooo, Brady went off for 71, holy fuck; Snaps up 24. Now the Canucks were on the ropes. McFadden continued to do his thing and it looked certain that he had 25 points in him, but what appeared to be a TD was ruled down at the 1 and Bush got the score. Wow, that was a nail biter.

TEAM MEXICO (1-0) V BASSTURDZ (0-1) – Very even match up here, neither team left anything on the bench and just as many active players shit their pants and didn’t score. Looks like Mexico will have to release the Flacc from here on out because Manning’s return is very questionable. Bassturdz are hurting at QB, this could be an issue, or maybe it was just the Ravens. Big Ben could be fine. Now let’s talk about the guy who is 6-2 250lbs (which I think is being kind) that can swing his fucking leg over his head like it’s on a swivel. That’s right Seb-Jan kicked a 63 yarder on Monday night to open the season, wow. He was knocking them through at 75 yards in pregame. Just imagine what he could do if he wasn’t always on the date rape drug?

Bring on Week 2,

Commi$h