Posts Tagged ‘srsly’

Playoffs? The recap is like Bigfoot, elusive as fuck

December 12, 2012

Round one is in the books and the higher seeds advanced over the natural underdogs.

In the 3-6 matchup, both teams fared pretty well on some fronts and fairly poor on others. Bassturdz’ Larry Fitzgerald put up a stale bagel in a thrashing by Seattle and 4 of Big Tex’s possible 8 active players (not including DST) put up less than 5 points. Brees and Lynch were monstrous and this one was a very exciting matchup. Maybe a coaching move or two that the Turdz are regretting but, both teams put up a good fight. In the end, the 3 beat the 6. What does this all mean, who the fuck knows.

In the 4-5 matchup, the Timid Puppies were venturing into uncharted territory; the playoffs. Team Mexico, arguably one of the hotter teams going into the post season had his eyes crossed on the piñata, but things didn’t go so well. It really started with the Arizona Cardinals laying the largest of all eggs against a good but not great Seattle team. 58-0 in the NFL should never happen, but it did, so there were 47 points scored by Puppies DST…again uncharted waters. For Team Mexico, aside from Brady and Moreno, there were no performances worth mentioning, and that will usher you right out of the playoffs. The three-headed RB set of Martin, Morris and Charles, Attorneys at Law is formidable.

So let’s set the table for the next round of games.

In the 1-4 matchup, the Easy riders have been easily riding Manning and Peterson of late as both have been crushing it on the field. The matchups in this game are fairly even, as Rodgers matches up nicely with Manning as does Morris to Matthews. Peterson is head and shoulders above all RBs so there’s a mismatch there. And Megatron is capable of busting a big game off here and there, but has not had a monster game yet. Very consistent as of late though. As matchups go, this one is quite tight. Puppies are solid from top to bottom, with their main weakness coming at…well, looks pretty strong. It will be a battle of who DOESN’T have a bad game this late in the season. Easy Rider with the edge since they have won 6 in a row.

In the 2-3 matchup, this one looks like a disaster waiting to happen for the Spine Snappers. The bye could not have come at a better time. Even if they had tried to set a lineup, they would have been lucky to break 100, which will not get it done. So there’s not much to say about this team that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan, they are bombed out and depleted. Big Tex on the other hand will be priming the fuel pump for a State Fair style victory burn if Lynch and Brees can come through like that again. And the player matchups on BT look favorable for the most part, save for SF v NE (Crabtree and Gore). Best way to describe the Snappers…low end fantasy option. Big Tex with the edge.

And there you have boys, apologies for not having enough time to blog through the season.

Pay up as soon as you are able, go to the finances section of the home page.

Good luck.

Commi$h

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WEEK 7 RECAP

October 27, 2011

Exhibit A–Rob Gronkowski is in a bedroom with pornstar Bibi Jones

 

Aaaaaaaaannd then he nailed her

Week 7 came and went and we are now officially on the backside of the season, six weeks remain until the playoffs start. We have pretty good parity going on right now as there is no clear cut number one, lots of middle of the road and only one true cellar dweller, sorry Chinch Bugs. Let’s get to the meat…curtains…Gronkowski.

CANUCKS (5-2) V TIMID PUPPIES (3-4) – After losing in week one, the Canucks had ripped off five straight wins and were on a roll. Then Blount got hurt, then Graham got hurt, then McFadden got hurt…and that means you lose. Mike Vick on a bye doesn’t help either. Meanwhile, the Pups are thankful for the Week 6 recap in which yours truly said Arian Foster was not the guy he was supposed to be as a #1. Well that changed pretty dramatically. The production will need to stay near that level going forward.

THE DODGER (5-2) V THE GREENS (5-2) – Someone had to lose this game, as in all fantasy games, fuck ties. Well this one would be no tie as Aaron Rodgers and company went nuts yet again. Waiver wire pick up of the week was DeMarco Murray, who rushed for 253 and a score, that’s always nice. Brees does what he has been doing all year and that’s put up huge points, but it wasn’t enough for The Greens as the 128 combined among Rodgers, Forte, Murray and Johnson was enough for the win alone.

 SPINE SNAPPERS (4-3) V TEAM MEXICO (4-3) – Battle for the middle and boy was it an ugly one. Forced to sit Thomas Brady on his bye week, the Snappers started Matty Ice, who whizzed a pedestrian 20 points. Chris Johnson is a jive turkey pussy that doesn’t run the same anymore now that he is all paid and shit. Team Mexico got baked on dirt weed and started a WR on a bye, but seeing what Torrain did, I don’t think it would have mattered. This one needs no further comment, ugly game.

EASY RIDERS (3-4) V BASSTURDZ (2-5) – When your team performs like the Bassturdz did in week 7, you walk into the locker room, toss around a bunch of gasoline and torch the place. That was seriously pathetic. Easy Riders got a game out of Shonn Greene finally and lookie there over on the bench, who is that humming a hymnal rocking back and forth? It’s none other than Teebus. Will we see him make his Easy Riders debut at QB in week 8? Only Christ the Lord on High knows.

FLABSLAB (3-4) V CHINCH BUGS (1-6) – While I’m recapping this slugfest, and by slugfest I mean a practical forfeit, let me say this, if you have issues getting to a computer to set your lineup, let me know and I will set it for you. There should be no reason that four guys on bye are in the lineup. Really, I know you may drink like an Irish dock worker while you’re on a road trip, but shoot me a text and say “plz set my lineup, srsly” and I will.  Cameron Newton is really solidifying his case for rookie of the year on O. And wow, Ray Rice and the rest of the Ravens put on the ugly game of the week on MNF. Guess the timing was right for the SLAB.

Bring on Week 8.

Commi$h