Posts Tagged ‘Tom Brady’


September 15, 2011

White Gandalf hates your team

Aaaaaaaaaand begin, 2011 Fantasy Football is under way and Week 1 is in the books. We celebrated the beginning of a new season on the 10th anniversary of the attacks of September 11 so I give you one of the classic montages created out of the post-twin towers patriotic flurry; behold.

Yes, that is an eagle sitting on Lassie’s back.

CHINCH BUGS (1-0) V THE GREENS (0-1) – Let me just start by saying it sure sucks to be the guy that could have beaten anyone in the league only to be winless after week 1 because the other team was on fire. Chinch Bugs, AKA Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe AKA Mel Kiper’s Hair have emerged as week one’s top of the heap team after most of his players performed admirably. LeSean McCoy looks to be a premier back. The Greens got a ton of solid work as well, beginning with Mr. Brees. The Kenny Britt benching cost them this week and I think I spy three QBs on that roster… “trade bait” is going to be thrown around a bit too casually in the coming weeks.

THE DODGER (1-0) V MOVE LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE (0-1) – Let me just start off by saying this; It’s “FLOAT like a butterfly, sting like a bee” the rest of it is all semantics. The 2010 champ squared up to week one with a 43 point performance from Mr. Rodgers, not a bad way to begin. But this one would be a heavyweight that was ultimately lost by MLABSLAB on the back of the Cowboys…INT and fumble by Romo late and a late TD by the Cowboys D iced it. Dodger had no kicker and won. Forte looked good, Ray Rice is a beast.

EASY RIDERS (1-0) V TIMID PUPPIES (0-1) – Let the Kevin Kolb era begin in Arizona! He looked pretty good and certainly has some targets. Schaub…oh Schaub, I remember this from last year when he was MY quarterback. If you bench him, he goes off, if you start him, well, you see what I’m getting at. Cutler looked as good as he has ever looked in passing for 300+ against Atlanta. I thought that game would be closer. Arian Foster the people needs to get healthy quick. The C-Bomb went nuts on Cleveland and he looked like the Benson of old, nice 39 yard rushing TD. I expect both these teams to win quite a few ball games this year.

SPINE SNAPPERS (1-0) V CANUCKS (0-1) — This may have been the game of the week. The Canucks led 104-57after Sunday’s action. It certainly wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that Brady could deliver 48 points for the Spine Snappers to win it, but the Canucks also had Darren McFadden rushing against the Denver defense that he feasts upon annually. Soooooo, Brady went off for 71, holy fuck; Snaps up 24. Now the Canucks were on the ropes. McFadden continued to do his thing and it looked certain that he had 25 points in him, but what appeared to be a TD was ruled down at the 1 and Bush got the score. Wow, that was a nail biter.

TEAM MEXICO (1-0) V BASSTURDZ (0-1) – Very even match up here, neither team left anything on the bench and just as many active players shit their pants and didn’t score. Looks like Mexico will have to release the Flacc from here on out because Manning’s return is very questionable. Bassturdz are hurting at QB, this could be an issue, or maybe it was just the Ravens. Big Ben could be fine. Now let’s talk about the guy who is 6-2 250lbs (which I think is being kind) that can swing his fucking leg over his head like it’s on a swivel. That’s right Seb-Jan kicked a 63 yarder on Monday night to open the season, wow. He was knocking them through at 75 yards in pregame. Just imagine what he could do if he wasn’t always on the date rape drug?

Bring on Week 2,




December 21, 2010

And then there were two. The second week of the playoffs is in the books and everything has gone according to plans if you look at the seedings. One and two both advanced and we have the matchup of the two best teams in the Super Bowl. This is by no means the way it always happens, but 2010 is the year of the favorites. Speaking of favorites, cheerleaders are nice too. See video above.

1ST SEED-THE DOGDER V 6TH SEED-SPINE SNAPPERS – After battling through the first round of the playoffs, the Spine Snappers had to make all the right moves to get past the one seed, a tall task. Let’s just make it short and sweet; they did not make all the right moves. It started with a bagel from the TE on Thursday night and only got worse. The coaching call in question was benching Maclin against the Giants in favor of Garcon, who was on a hot streak and facing a porous Jags defense. Well, that did not work out so well, in fact it was enough to be eliminated from the playoffs. The Dodger needed only 7 points from his kicker Robbie Gould, a not so easy task in the snow in Minnesota, but the chore proved easy enough to rain a Gould-en shower all over the Spine Snappers for 16 points. Ray Rice was another MAJOR cog in that wheel for The Dodger as he went off for his best performance of the year aside from Week 5 against Denver. This will be crucial in the next game, which is for all the marbles. THE DODGER 126 – SPINE SNAPPERS 116

2nd SEED-BASSTURDZ V 4TH SEED-TEAM MEXICO – Team Mexico was riding a wave into Round 2 of the playoffs. Beers poppin’, bowls loaded, potential opponents being called out, the world was his oyster, time for a return to glory after last year’s Super Bowl disappointment. So confident was Team Mexico that he spearheaded the effort to eliminate the 3rd place game, which has always paid the buy in for the victor. Then of course there’s the old adage, “that’s why they play the games.” It was at this time that all the candy fell out of TM’s piñata, nobody showed up. Meanwhile, Bassturdz got major work out of a team of 7. TO went out, Gates was out and Heap of shit didn’t play, didn’t matter to the Bassturdz. No drama; just points. Ball game BASSTURDZ 107 – TEAM MEXICO 64


1ST SEED-THE DODGER V 2ND SEED-BASSTURDZ – Well well well, one v two for the freaking trophy. This one should be very interesting. We know Matty Ice will be a slinging the ball around the field against New Orleans on Monday night. The question is, will Brady be doing the same thing against Buffalo? Or will he be on the bench by halftime because the Pats have already locked up their playoff position? If you look at matchups, The Dodger has the more favorable matchups for his players; see MJD @ Washington and Rice @ Cleveland. Bassturdz have an edge at WR, as both Colston and Andre Johnson are playing at a high level. Foster is hurt so look for Schaub to find Johnson a lot against a sorry Denver team, Champ Bailey be damned. Oakland is playing Indy so McFadden will get loose, but Oakland has a decent secondary and LBs, so will Tamme get loose? As for the defenses, flip a coin, both are playing lousy opponents, but the Cowboys had a hard time stopping Rex Grossman. Pats had a hard time against young Matt Flynn too, but edge goes to the Patriots. Both Teams are 9-5 going into the Super Bowl, but only one can emerge with the magical 10th win. Handicapping the big one is tough; edge The Dodger.

Now who wants to play the bridesmaid Spine Snappers for a case of beer?



December 14, 2010


“Breathe deeply boys, you’re in for a bumpy ride”

Well, the season has come and gone and round one of the playoffs is in the books. While the Dodger and Bassturdz sat at home and breathed easy as player performance had no ramifications one way or the other, four owners screamed at their televisions, and for one owner, screamed at the cable provider because the NFL Redzone was out for the first hour of the games. With the collapse of the roof in Minny, a 2nd Monday night game was added to the schedule, upping the ante even further in the Wildcard round.

4TH SEED-TEAM MEXICO V 5TH SEED-CANUCKS – The intrigue was high in first matchup; two playoff teams from last year, one being the Super Bowl Runner Up and the other a two time winner. Canucks came into the playoffs having scored more points than any team, while Team Mexico came into the playoffs as one of the hottest teams after starting the season 1-4. Canucks had a couple tough decisions to make in the player personnel department, neither of which would have made a difference in the end, but this one was over by 6:00PM on Sunday evening. Eight of nine players done and 49 points on the board, not going to do it. Team Mexico seared up some steaks while Tom Brady filleted the Bears in the snow, hitting Welker for 100+ receiving yards (a first for Welker this year) and Gronkowski for an early TD. The decision of which QB to play has all of a sudden become pretty easy for TM now that the Broncos completely suck ass. FINAL SCORE-Team Mexico 112 Canucks 66.

3RD SEED-THE GREENS V 6TH SEED-SPINE SNAPPERS – After both teams took a tumble in the standings to finish the season, what would happen in this match up was anybody’s guess. As the early games wound down, the Greens were in a really good spot, Michael Turner and his tree trunk legs ran for over 100 and 3 TDs, which is nice. On top of that, Spine Snappers were basically scoreless until late in the 2nd half of the first set of games, not much production out of any of the players. As the dust settled on Sunday’s game, The Greens held a 34 point lead and the Spine Snappers needed big games from both the Giants D and Matt Schaub. It wasn’t looking good for the Snaps as the slapdick receivers for the Texans dropped 7 of the first 12 passes Schaub threw. But as the half wound down, the Texas passing game got wound up and the score was damn near even. Schaub continued to throw for the FF win and the Snappers advance. FINAL SCORE-The Greens 89 Spine Snappers 124

Playoff Preview

1ST SEED-THE DODGER V 6TH SEED-SPINE SNAPPERS – The Dodger put up some major league points on the bye week, which is a double edged sword because while you want that type of output when you’re playing and not on a bye week, it also shows that your team is producing. Tom Brady is the best QB in the league, hands down. Fourth round draft pick in this year’s draft. This mofo is dealing as evidenced by his complete destruction of the Chicago defense in a freaking Arctic blizzard. I would look for the Tom to continue his gun slinging ways, he has put up 40 or more points in 4 of the last 5 weeks and hasn’t thrown a pick since week 6. As for the Snappers, this team continues to put up solid points, but the loss of Frank Gore has really taken a bit of consistency out of the Snappers game. It will be interesting to see the result of this one, but got to give the edge to the Dodger.

2ND SEED-BASSTURDZ V 4TH SEED-TEAM MEXICO – The Bassturdz are in the playoffs as the two seed for a few reasons. One is that they score 100+ points on a regular basis and two is they have the best WR in the league, Andre Johnson. He continues to go out there, sack it up and score. Gotta love that in your stallion. Matt Ryan, or Matty Ice as he was known in his Boston College days, has been wicked solid for the Turdz, but the question is will the Falcons jump all over the Seahawks and run the ball for the rest of the game, much like they did last Sunday at Carolina? The bigger question is at TE, as Gates is an integral part of this lineup. For Team Mexico, the Tom Brady ride continues, so start em if you got em. TMs main RB put up sorry numbers with a new QB. Is now the time to hope that Favre actually plays? And the other stud RB Fred Jackson is playing against the nasty Pats D. This my friends will be a battle. Very tough on to pick, but edge to Team Mexico because I don’t know if the Turdz have a TE.